My Alter Ego

Sunday, Aug. 30

Dan Schaeffer, in his book “A Better Country,” beautifully mirrors my experience. The picture is not beautiful; the description is. Page 118: “There is so much in me today that resists the person that God
wants to make me. He wants me to meet and interact with people: I want to remain safely isolated. He wants me to step out and attempt something in faith; I want to draw back in fear. I want to change an attitude, a habit, a thought pattern—but every time I try I realize I don’t want it badly enough to give up the sinful behavior. He wants to put His heart in me, and I resist.” Page 119: I have noticed that the older I get, the wearier I am of the old me. In many ways I am so far from our Lord’s image in actual practice that I long for that part of heaven where I will be changed forever. Earthly transformation is wearying work. I find that I’m weary of my sin, weary of my failures, weary of my ignorance, weary of my shortcomings, weary of my sinful nature that always chooses sin first, and only with great effort is countered by my new nature.” Page 129: “There are times when I am troubled or worried and not even quite sure why.” All of this is so descriptive of me I think I could claim Dan as my alter ego. I don’t think I’m alone; I suspect that there are any number of people who would make the same claim. Needless to say, I’m eager to get to heaven. Nevertheless God is carrying on the sanctification process. It’s slow going (because of me), but progressing (because of God). I’m OK with that and I know that He still wants to use me. I’m OK with that, too. Keep chipping away, Lord!

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